Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
