Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
