God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
