the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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