i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
