There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
