Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
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I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.