GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
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Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
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Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes