Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies