i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.