My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.