Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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