he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
