you would pick up someone in the library
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
