I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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