Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
