Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
