I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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