Kareoke will never be a sober sport
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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