I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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