i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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