you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
