Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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