Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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