I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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