i jhust puked up my retainher.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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