UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
time to smoke my breakfast
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
