Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
