if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He better not be in your backpack
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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