also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just invented taco cereal.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
