Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
