Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
