i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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