First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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