you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
