I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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