Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Let's paint friendship bongs
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
