my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
