went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
