My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
