I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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