I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
