He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
