just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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