vagina is talking i cant
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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