i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
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