You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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