so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
My vagina just recognized that song.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
