Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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