Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The air was thick with penises
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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