I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize