Dude my mom stole all your condoms
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
