If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize