she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
