Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
