He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You're like the curious george of whores
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
