His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
