He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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