I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
