Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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