I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
