Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
