Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
