dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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