Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
