I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
