K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
