Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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