Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
