I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
