he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He told me they were just razor bumps!
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
