Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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