Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
