True but thats because hes a fetus.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
