He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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