I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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